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A short bout with a razorblade cut me, i freaked out thinking people didnt love me [Aug. 5th, 2004|12:42 am]
Do you remember me?
[feelin' |gloomygloomy]
[listenin' to |Blue October "Razorblade"]

I love this song.....

A Decade Under the Influence
by Taking Back Sunday

Sad, small, sweet, so delicate.
We used to be this dying breed.
Well, I've got a bad feeling about this.
I've got a bad feeling about this.

You kept still until the long drive home.
You slept safe and close to the window.
(Well, I've got a bad feeling about this.
I've got a bad feeling about...)

Who’s to say you'll have to go.
(I could go all night.)
Well, say you'll have to go.
(I could go all...)
To hell with you and all your friends.
To hell with you and all your friends, it’s on.

Sad, small, sure in porcelain.
You're skin and bones, I’m a nervous wreck.
Well, I've got a bad feeling about this.
(When it comes to this.)
I've got a bad feeling about this.

You kept still until the long drive home.
You slept safe and close to the window.
(Well, I've got a bad feeling about this.
I've got a bad feeling about...)

Who’s to say you'll have to go.
(I could go all night.)
Well, say you'll have to go.
(I could go all...)
To hell with you and all your friends.
To hell with you and all your friends, it's on.

Well, I got a bad feeling about this.
(What is this for?)
I got a bad feeling about...

Anyone will do tonight.
Anyone will do tonight.
Close your eyes, just settle, settle.
Close your eyes, just settle, settle.
Anyone will do tonight.
Anyone will do tonight.
Close your eyes, just settle, settle.
Close your eyes, just settle, settle.
Anyone
(Anyone?)
will do tonight.
Anyone
(Anyone?)
will do tonight.
Close your eyes, just settle, settle.
Close your eyes, just settle, settle.

Well, I've got a bad feeling about this.
I got a bad feeling about this.
(To hell with you and all your friends, it's on.)

I'm coming over but it never was enough.
I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you.
Well, I got a bad feeling about this.
I got a bad feeling about this.
(To hell with you and all your friends, it's on.)

I'm coming over but it never was enough.
I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you.
Well, I got a bad feeling about this.
I got a bad feeling about this.
(To hell with you and all your friends, it's on.)

I'm coming over but it never was enough.
I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you.
Well, I got a bad feeling about this.
I got a bad feeling about this.
(In you...
In you...)

I'm coming over but it never was enough.
I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you.
(Well, I got a bad feeling about this.
I got a bad feeling about this)
In you... In you...

I'm coming over but it never was enough.
I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you.
(I got a bad feeling about this.
I got a bad feeling about this.)

I got a bad feeling about this.
(In you, in...)
I got a bad feeling about this.
(you, in...)
I got a bad feeling about this.
(you, in...)
I got a bad feeling about this.
(you, in...)
I got it bad
(you...)
I got it bad.
I got it bad.
I got it bad.
I got it bad.
I got it bad.
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new journal? yes! [Jun. 28th, 2004|06:07 pm]
Do you remember me?
[feelin' |amusedamused]
[listenin' to |Silence]

Welp, Andrea Luv switched to this new place called greatest journal and i think i might to, I'll try it out for a bit and see what happens. Heres the link

http://www.greatestjournal.com/users/vanilla_rayne/

Same user name etc. And well I've updated there so go check it out i guess, Au revoir
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What will people say when they hear that I'm a Jesus freak? [Jun. 26th, 2004|06:04 pm]
Do you remember me?
[feelin' |exhaustedexhausted]
[listenin' to |Nightmare Before Christmas Soundtrack]

Got back from camp about 3 today and i had a great time. Sure by Wednesday I wanted to kill my "shadow" and Rader and all of Madison's little friends BUT i lived. Candis, Zetty and I started a game of ERS (it's a face card game involving slapping and such....great fun) I jabbed Candis like 5 times ^_^ Hmmm I lost the Checkers Tournement...and the Jenga Tournament, but I'm not bitter. Friday night, everyone got hurt or was hurt. I have bruises from Daniel hitting me, a huge one on my hand from blocking a punch and he broke my favorite sunglasses, but life goes on, i'll heal and i have more sunglasses. My "shadow" started to annoy me around Monday morning -.- but there was nothing i could do about it and it was like 80% good and 20% bad so it evens out. Then Friday came around and EVERYONE started getting hurt, I almost did.

BODY COUNT: Suzie twisted her knee, Chris had to carry her back to the cabin (about 1 mile walk, with hills 0_0 ) with a twisted ankle from football earlier. Then the idiot sat infront of the vent with a wet shirt and started shaking! So we made him change and hydrated him also.
Eric fell off of a wall and...well, he didn't hurt anything and we all knew he hadn't but they rushed him to the hospital anyway. Eric ALWAYS thinks there is something wrong with him >.<
Cassie hyperventalated(sp?) about Chris and Lindsey was "sick" and everyone was pretty much sick b/c of camp food, not that it was bad, but it just wasn't the food that we are use to i guess.

Here are a few phrases from the week and explanations if i have them:

"You are sitting on my spine!"
Luke said that to me b/c we were trying to sleep in the van and he kept sitting on my hip, so i sat on what i thought was his hip, turns out it was his spine ^_^

"Hey Dale, wanna be a friend and turn that all the way to blue for me, thanks"
Luke said that to our youth minister b/c in some crazy act of insanity, he turned on the heat to try and defrost the van and tryed to roast us.

Me: "Night Neko (Muzette) I'm putting in my ear plugs now *reaches for earplugs*
Muzette: *pokes me in the ear* hey...
Me: *swats at hand* ahhh i havent put them in yet! Stop molesting my ear!
Both *crack up laughing*

Muzette and I stayed up until like 2 this morning just talking and eating Pringles. Well I was still speaking English, Muzette wasn't, silly Neko. All in all it was a great time.

2 of Pastor Mark's kids hyped up on pure sugar,rattling off to luke about how they like cars and destroying Daniel's bed (hehe)
5 Cherry-Dr.Pepper Icees
5 Mt. Dews
20 glasses of Kool Aide
10 glasses of tea
1 can of Pringles
1 pair of broken shades
24 pictures
15 popsicles
3 Million unforgetable memories

"What will people do when they hear that I'm a Jesus freak? What will people do when the find out it's true? I don't even care if they label me a Jesus freak...."
DC Talk
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I wanna be the magazine that she bases life on, do you think i'm faking when i'm lying next to you? [Jun. 20th, 2004|02:26 pm]
Do you remember me?
[feelin' |sicksick]
[listenin' to |Seether "Gasoline"]

Hey kiddos, I'm here for my last entry before camp. I don't feel very well at the moment but oh well. I don't really have much to say, uhm...yeah. My brother is gonna be so pissed, he left his new Seether cd over here after we argued about it ^_^; whoops. Oh well, he deserves to be pissed for once anyway. Well i guess this is all, see ya next saturday, au revoir







"Then she told me she had a gun, it sounded like she'd used it one before"
"Did you know i'm blind to every thing you say and do?"
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We're in the arms of the angel, may you find some comfort here [Jun. 19th, 2004|08:20 pm]
Do you remember me?
[feelin' |distresseddistressed]
[listenin' to |Sarah McClauglen "Angel"]

Now i remember why i lie to people.....to protect myself, to protect myself from getting hurt and to protect you from getting hurt by the truth. I hate telling the truth b/c it hates me so much. I told him that Luke knew and, well it over the net so i dont know how mad he really was, but he didnt seem too mad. But, i don't really know either way, i guess i will see tomorrow. It was all a big vicious circle of lies that i knew would come back to me eventually. I mean i knew what was going on wouldnt last forever, nothing with him ever does so why would this time be any different? I knew it wouldnt be, why should anything be different for me? Year after year it repeats itself just in a slightly different form. I'm thinking i might just tell everyone everything, about any lies i have told about what i do behind locked doors and how i really feel towards people. I wish Luke was home, i need his help right now. Since when does it take 6 hrs to eat dinner? Hrm, i watched that Mandy Moore movie "How to Deal" and it was pretty good, kinda sad at some points, but good nonetheless. Leave for camp monday morning, kinda excited....kinda not. Well i'm out, au revoir
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It seems my life is gonna change [Jun. 18th, 2004|11:35 pm]
Do you remember me?
[feelin' |thoughtfulthoughtful]
[listenin' to |VH1 25 Greatest Power Ballads]

How is it that i have become the essence of what i hate? I hate two faced liars who let people walk all over them, who are cowards and can't handle simple tasks because they are weak. That is what i am, weak. I lie to other to get what i want and honestly, it doesn't bother me. I pretend to be someone i am not all the time, my entire life has been based on lies and i'm not that sorry, i really dont care. Every morning i wake up and put on a charade for everyone, i am an actress and all of you have come to watch the performance. Up intil recently i have lied even to my best friend or friends b/c i only have two people i feel comfortable around, ridiculous i know, but its the truth. I shy away from the unfamiliar b/c it scares me, it scares me to think of making and keeping new friends. I hate that i let people walk all over me b/c im too nice to say anything, i hate how people think i cant do simple tasks.

*NEWSFLASH*

I am a big girl and i can take care of myself, i dont need people telling me how to do things like open a can of pop!! Just b/c i am kinda quite and let most things slide people think that they can just walk all over me and do whatever the hell they want to me, well it ends here, today, right now. At camp (anyone who reads this and is going to camp with me) dont expect me to let anyone walk all over me like i have years before, if you piss me off i am telling you, if you do something i dont like i am telling you, you all have been warned. I dont care if i hurt you, im sick and tired of being the victem in every situation. I am taking charge weather you people like it or not. I'm out...au revoir
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You've gone away, you don't feel me here anymore [Jun. 18th, 2004|11:25 am]
Do you remember me?
[feelin' |aggravatedaggravated]
[listenin' to |Seether and Amy Lee "Broken"]

hmmm, look Chris i'm kind of sorry for what i said and the way i acted, but honestly you are too obsessed over me and it bugs the hell outta me sometimes. You know i don't feel that way about you, so why do you keep doing this to me. ANYWAY, Today has been a boring day so far, no one to really talk to except Luke, which isn't a bad thing, i didn't mean it the way it came out ^_^; My wrist hurts....from yesterday. I dub yesterday one of the worst days of my life, i mean first my parents dont care about me and i thought my brother did, but i guess he cares about Gena more than me now and my other brother, well i never see him, so i know he doesnt give a flying monkey's butt what happens to me. On a brighter note, i'm going to the mall with Luke tonight, im gonna get a new wristband and....well i dunno what else yet, maybe some foods too, but yeah. I need to find me a job of some sort, but I DONT WANNA WORK AT FREAKING WAREHOUSE MARKET! My parents and brothers always want me to work there but i dont wanna freking work there, i wont be happy there and i'll probobly get fired anyway. Bleh, im out....Au Revoir
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i push my fingers into my eyes,it's the only thing that slowly stops the ache [Jun. 17th, 2004|10:30 pm]
Do you remember me?
[feelin' |numbnumb]
[listenin' to |Slipknot "Duality"]

Hrm....my day started out alright and ended terribly. I was pretty busy all morning in Registration, then Mary left me alone for a bit and the phones when crazy and this lady was a wench and...bleh. Then there was nothing to do for like an hour so i was bored until 4 finally rolled around, then i signed off and went outside to wait for my brother. So, i waited and waited and...waited until 4:50 and i finally realized he wasn't coming to get me. Then i trudged back inside and called my mom from the volunteer office and she said she would be by to get me as soon as she could, which meant 5:15 -.- Then my brother called and was all "I'm sorry, it's Tate's (Gena's kid) birthday and i was in a hurry to get home, then go get Gena and the cake and I'm really sorry" I said yeah yeah and got him off the phone as soon as i could, i dont want to talk to him. All i asked him to do was pick me up 2 times a week, thats all and he can't even do that b/c he has his head too far up Gena's ass to care. I hate her, i hate the way she treats him, like a dog and GAH! Then i come home and get on the net for a bit then call Luke and people keep calling him so i didnt get to talk to him but for like 5 mins -.- Then i get back online and more bad news follows, i can't elaborate but i do have this to say: Luke, you win, congrats my friend, congrats
Hmmm well i guess i will go shower and do something i shouldn't then go to bed.... black wristband and all....Au Revoir
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The light at the end of your tunnel is closing, the things you will do to fufill your addiction [Jun. 16th, 2004|01:02 pm]
Do you remember me?
[feelin' |disappointeddisappointed]
[listenin' to |Staind "blow away"]

Hmmm boring day, cleaned out my closet, those bodies were starting to stink really bad, they needed to be thrown out to make room for my new ones anyway. I mean.....yes, next subject. Volunteer more tomorrow, it wasnt so bad yesterday time didnt stand still or move backwards like it did in Pediatrics (thank God) But i did get to see my friend Shontelle that i hadnt seen in like 2 yrs, that was fun. Oh!!! And the best part is that Jamee doesn't work the same days as me!!! I never have to see her face ever again!!! *does an anti jamee dance* I think i might draw or something later, im feeling slightly artistically inclined at the moment. That doesn't look like proper english and probobly isnt. Ya know i thought that being around jamee was the reason i was all "kill myself" but i've been away from her for a few weeks now and well, i havent really improved or anything, not drastically anyway. And well i can't seem to remember a time when i wasnt all depressed and stuff, is it possible to be born that way? I don't think it is, but....oh i dunno, my tiny brain is gonna explode if i keep thinking so i'll stop here, au revoir

~*Wish i could dissapear, unzip my skin and leave it here.....someday i'll dissapear with out a trace....feel like a book that can't be read*~
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my future seems like one big past, i push my fingers into my eyes, it's the only thing [Jun. 15th, 2004|05:19 pm]
Do you remember me?
[feelin' |hornyhorny]
[listenin' to |Slipknot "Duality"]

I push my fingers into my eyes it's the only thing that slowly stops the ache.....all i've got is insane

Yeah that lyric wouldn't fit into my subject box ^_^
And here is a quizzie

Cosmic Identity and Fate
Name/Username
Date of Birth
Politics?
Religiousity?
Opinion about Bush?
Opinion of the Iraq War?
Your number of previous lives is... 2241
In one of your previous lives, you were a great ruler. In fact, King Harald Hårfagre (872-931) of Norway
Your eternal Guardian Deity is... Anubis
Your chances of experiencing real love... - 61%
You will die... in a hideous road accident
Your chances of getting into Heaven... - 7%
This quiz by Calgacus - Taken 3483 Times.
</a>
New! Get Free Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz


And here is an entry,lol. I had a pretty good day volunteering actually, then my brother brought me home and he worked on my dad's amp for his car and i got to listen to his car thump. Then my dad came home and i got to rev his car while he checked for an exaust leak. He said "now rev it up to about the 2" (it's a standard) and i "accidently" reved it up to oh...5 or 6,lol. My bad? Nah it was fun. Of course my volunteer work is all shuffling papers etc. But hey, i got to type up birth certificates today, that was cool......too bad i messed up like all but 2. I'm new, what can i say? ^_^;; Hrm, im also now bored and tired, but more bored ^_^ i leave u with this one last quiz i forgot to post last night....how to make a nikki au revoir

*yeah i know how hard it is to not overindulge me....im just so damn good*
How to make a nikki
Ingredients:

5 parts success

5 parts brilliance

3 parts instinct
Method:
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Add curiosity to taste! Do not overindulge!


Username:


Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

solitude
Solitude


What Kanji word best suits you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Demons...
Your a Demon! Heh, really, what on earth did you
answer? Oh well...Demons are evil, mischevious,
spiteful, malicious, dark, or just plain bad
creatures. They abide in shadows and cemetaries
and to hide from wary eyes, become one with a
shadow. Appearences may vary. Some are horned
red or blac fearsoem creatures with whiplash
tounges, others look like clogs of smog, and
others look like cream and when it hits coffee
kind of effect. Eitherway, Demons swoop around,
causing jvoc and Choas, and have no good side.
You have been warned.


What Mythical Beast are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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